Uncle John's New & Improved Funniest Ever by Bathroom Readers' Institute

Author:Bathroom Readers' Institute
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Portable Press

The 1st handheld cell phone (’73) was as big as a brick and weighed 2.5 lbs.

ALL CREATURES

GREAT & FUNNY

The funniest “Animals in the News” entries from our archives. Ribbit!

TOAD AWAY

Australian cane toads are nearly as big as dinner plates…and poisonous. Their venom has been known to kill large dogs within minutes. That’s why Jackson Crews was worried when he saw his dog Bella mistake a cane toad for a pie he was feeding her in his backyard in Bakewell, Australia. “She swallowed it whole,” said Crews. He rushed Bella to the vet, where they gave her “an injection to help her vomit.” Finally, 40 minutes later, she threw up and out came the toad. And it started hopping around. Amazingly, both animals survived. Vet workers then caught the toad and kept it at their office. They named it Spew.

A BIG DAM PROBLEM

In 2008 environmental activists inspecting a nature reserve in northern Poland were shocked to find evidence of illegal logging. They reported that at least 20 trees had been removed, and more were marked for later felling. The investigators followed a trail through the woods where it was evident that trees had been dragged away. The trail led them all the way out of the reserve…right to a beaver dam in a nearby river.

WABBIT SEASON

Thirty-one inmates were working in a garden outside a Ugandan prison in 2002 when a rabbit jumped out of the bushes. All five guards took off after it…and all 31 of the inmates, including one murderer, took the opportunity to escape. None of them were captured. And neither was the rabbit.

WHAT A FABULOUS DOG!

A man, a woman, and a dog walked into the Thai Spice restaurant in Adelaide, Australia, in 2009, only to be told by a waiter: “We don’t allow dogs in here!” The woman responded (in her native Australian accent), “But he’s a guide dog!” Offended, the waiter—who was from Thailand—told them to leave immediately. A few days later the restaurant’s owner, Hong Hoa Thi To, received a call from South Australia’s Equal Opportunity Tribunal asking him why service was refused to a blind man who came in with a friend and his guide dog. “Guide dog?” asked Hong? He thought the woman had said “gay dog.” The restaurant was ordered to apologize to the man and pay him $1,500. “My staff genuinely believed that it was an ordinary pet dog which had been desexed to become a gay dog,” said Hong.

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